Breakfasts ofs Championses

Leave it to the world's largest fast food chain to butcher the English language. The same company responsible for the clever marketing ploy of adding the letters "Mc" to every item on the menu is at it again. The same company who has a clown, a bird, a crook, some bushes, and something called "Grimace" as mascots is up to its old tricks. The same company responsible for the obesity epidemic in America is truly trying to make me angry.
To be quite honest, I used to like McDonald's and even the food they served. True, over the years, a few of their endeavors flopped like Vlade Divac & Reggie Miller. Pizza, the McDiner, that thing called "Grimace." But they've had their share of successes also: Michael Jordan/Larry Bird commercials, "Do You Believe in Magic?" the Happy Meal.
Since my childhood, my feelings towards McDonald's have turned towards indifference. In the world of fast food, McDonald's is the pits. Sure, they still have those Happy Meals and the playground, but I'm just too old for that (actually, I just don't want anyone to see me). I can no longer enjoy those things that brought me to McDonald's oh so many years ago.
McDonald's is currently in a state of disarray. In August of last year, they introduced the Chicken Selects, a "healthy" alternative to their own food. The accompanying commercials were almost enough to push me over the edge. "Back away from my Chicken Selects. Don't touch my Chicken Selects. Are those your Chicken Selects? No! That's my Chicken." Well, with all do respect Fuck Your Chicken Selects sir. They aren't that good, and they aren't that healthy. I wouldn't touch your Chicken Selects with a ten-foot pole. I don't care how many dipping sauces you got over there.

I've finally reached my breaking point. Just weeks ago, something even more ridiculous was brought to my attention by McDonald's. Last year, they introduced a breakfast sandwich which consisted of 2 maple-syrupy griddle cakes, egg, cheese, and bacon/sausage. They called them McGriddles (Clever, huh?). Well, low and behold a new commercial for McDonald's was produced to advertise breakfast. And here's how it goes:

Girl: Girls are like a McGriddles. Blah blah blah. So blah?
Guy: I get another McGriddles. Blah blah blah.
Girl: Blah blah blah.

Come again? A McGriddles. Another McGriddles. One sandwich, "s" on the end? How can that be? I've heard of plural objects being called something singular sounding (I saw three deer in the park.), but never have I ever heard one item being referred to as plural. I thought I misheard them at first. I thought the girl misspoke. But he said it too. And I saw the commercial again and again, and I pondered. I told people, they didn't believe me. This is un-fuck-believable.
The English language has some strange rules, but this is a new one by me. If it has an "s" at the end, and I order it, I better get two or more of whatever that shit is.
Sure, there are two griddle cakes that make up this sandwich. But there are three pieces of bread on a Big Mac (if I remember correctly), and it ain't called no Big Macs.
Sure, on average one McGriddles has 475 calories (only 50 calories less than a Big Mac), 25 grams of fat, and nearly 200 mg of cholesterol. Surely, this nutrition info would make you believe you were getting more than one sandwich, but you aren't. You eat one of these McGriddles, and your diet is screwed for the rest of the day. Have fun nibbling a piece of lettuce for lunch and dinner, jackass.

If you know why its called a McGriddles, drop me a line: ctopper@purdue.edu
If you know what Grimace is, drop me a line: ctopper@purdue.edu

Well, its about dinner time, and I'm thinkin about some McDonald's. I'm lovin' it!